by Tom Hoefling
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Hi Joe, I'm Mo. And I'm pro-Joe.”
Joe:
“Oh....uhmm...hello.”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Joe, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your mama's gonna kill you.”
Joe:
“Oh...uhh...well, she said she was going to kill me lots of times when I was bad as a kid, but...”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“No, I mean, she actually wants to kill you. Says you're messing up her life-style.”
Joe:
“Oh, well...uhh...”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“And the Supreme Court says it's okay for her to do it, too.”
Joe:
“Really?'
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah. They say she can kill you any time she wants. It's her choice, since you're not really a person and you're a part of her and all.”
Joe:
“Well, that doesn't sound right.”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, I hear you. But, don't you worry Joe. Because I'm pro-Joe. And so are the Republican politicians I'm helping to get elected. We've got majorities almost everywhere now.”
Joe:
“Well, that sounds good. What a relief.”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, aren't we awesome? Why, just last session we passed a law that gives your mama legal permission to kill you, but only if she does it before the end of the year. And another one that requires her to use only approved hit men.”
Joe:
“Wait. You passed laws that give her legal permission to have a hit man kill me if she wants, as long as she does it on schedule?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, we're pro-Joe.”
Joe:
“Wow, really?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, really. Why, this session we passed a law that requires the hit man to operate only from an approved Planned Parenthood mega-killing center, with admitting privileges at a hospital. And another one that makes your mama look at your high school graduation picture before she has you offed.”
Joe:
“Wow. That doesn't sound so good from where I'm standing. So, what do the courts say about that?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Well, they struck those laws down. Said it placed an undue burden on your mama's access to the ability to kill you. And you know, we have to obey the judges, no matter what, right? But don't you worry about it, Joe. We sent out some more fund-raising letters telling people about our great pro-Joe successes, and they sent us millions of dollars again to help elect more pro-Joe Republicans. And we're working on some other great pro-Joe legislation too.”
Joe:
“Oh, really? Uhuh...hmm...I'm almost afraid to ask, but what kind of legislation?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Well, we found some scientists who say that if the hit man gives you a double dose of morphine, you won't feel a thing when you're killed. So, we passed a law that says they have to give you the morphine. We call it the 'Pain Capable Born Child Protection Act.'”
Joe:
“Oh my. Uhmm...but, I'll still be dead, right?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
"Well, yeah, but, we have to save some, you know. And hey, you won't feel a thing!”
Joe:
“Uhmm...Mo, let me ask you something: Didn't God say 'you shall not murder?' Didn't the Declaration of Independence say, 'all men are created equal, endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights,' starting with the right to life? Doesn't the U.S. Constitution, the supreme law of our land, require equal protection for the right to life of every person, in every state? Doesn't my state constitution require pretty much the same thing? And don't all the people we elect swear an oath to God to support and defend those constitutions?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Oh, I get it now, Joe. You're one of those All-or-Nothing Purists. Hey, do me a favor and stay away from me from now on, okay? We'll never beat the Democrats as long as you're around. Anyway, I gotta go,. I'm on my way to a National Rights of Joe meeting. We're planning a big prayer meeting and fundraiser with all the Republican presidential candidates. They all want our endorsement again and I have to get ready for the photo-op. And besides, I see your mama coming and I don't want to make her feel bad about her choice...”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Hi Joe, I'm Mo. And I'm pro-Joe.”
Joe:
“Oh....uhmm...hello.”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Joe, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your mama's gonna kill you.”
Joe:
“Oh...uhh...well, she said she was going to kill me lots of times when I was bad as a kid, but...”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“No, I mean, she actually wants to kill you. Says you're messing up her life-style.”
Joe:
“Oh, well...uhh...”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“And the Supreme Court says it's okay for her to do it, too.”
Joe:
“Really?'
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah. They say she can kill you any time she wants. It's her choice, since you're not really a person and you're a part of her and all.”
Joe:
“Well, that doesn't sound right.”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, I hear you. But, don't you worry Joe. Because I'm pro-Joe. And so are the Republican politicians I'm helping to get elected. We've got majorities almost everywhere now.”
Joe:
“Well, that sounds good. What a relief.”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, aren't we awesome? Why, just last session we passed a law that gives your mama legal permission to kill you, but only if she does it before the end of the year. And another one that requires her to use only approved hit men.”
Joe:
“Wait. You passed laws that give her legal permission to have a hit man kill me if she wants, as long as she does it on schedule?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, we're pro-Joe.”
Joe:
“Wow, really?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Yeah, really. Why, this session we passed a law that requires the hit man to operate only from an approved Planned Parenthood mega-killing center, with admitting privileges at a hospital. And another one that makes your mama look at your high school graduation picture before she has you offed.”
Joe:
“Wow. That doesn't sound so good from where I'm standing. So, what do the courts say about that?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Well, they struck those laws down. Said it placed an undue burden on your mama's access to the ability to kill you. And you know, we have to obey the judges, no matter what, right? But don't you worry about it, Joe. We sent out some more fund-raising letters telling people about our great pro-Joe successes, and they sent us millions of dollars again to help elect more pro-Joe Republicans. And we're working on some other great pro-Joe legislation too.”
Joe:
“Oh, really? Uhuh...hmm...I'm almost afraid to ask, but what kind of legislation?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Well, we found some scientists who say that if the hit man gives you a double dose of morphine, you won't feel a thing when you're killed. So, we passed a law that says they have to give you the morphine. We call it the 'Pain Capable Born Child Protection Act.'”
Joe:
“Oh my. Uhmm...but, I'll still be dead, right?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
"Well, yeah, but, we have to save some, you know. And hey, you won't feel a thing!”
Joe:
“Uhmm...Mo, let me ask you something: Didn't God say 'you shall not murder?' Didn't the Declaration of Independence say, 'all men are created equal, endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights,' starting with the right to life? Doesn't the U.S. Constitution, the supreme law of our land, require equal protection for the right to life of every person, in every state? Doesn't my state constitution require pretty much the same thing? And don't all the people we elect swear an oath to God to support and defend those constitutions?”
Pro-Joe Mo:
“Oh, I get it now, Joe. You're one of those All-or-Nothing Purists. Hey, do me a favor and stay away from me from now on, okay? We'll never beat the Democrats as long as you're around. Anyway, I gotta go,. I'm on my way to a National Rights of Joe meeting. We're planning a big prayer meeting and fundraiser with all the Republican presidential candidates. They all want our endorsement again and I have to get ready for the photo-op. And besides, I see your mama coming and I don't want to make her feel bad about her choice...”
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